Category Calamities of Courtship

Hollywood Syndrome

Out of some misguided sense of loyalty, or more likely because I’m a lazy and stupid person by nature, I often look for mid-shift victuals at my store’s deli, which boasts a variety of impressively mediocre lunch fixings–among them, wraps of the buffalo/ranch chicken and cranberry-turkey persuasions that are uncharacteristically satisfying. And I love a […]

Brainal Sex

The first of many (mostly idiotic) character-based spoken word pieces to follow. Words spoken: “Look, I don’t give a damn what kinda random things you’ve heard, When I speak, I make your neurons fire by the thousands At the sound of every word! ‘Cuz when I philosophize, I electrify In e-sexifyin’ ways. So girl, Give […]

Sonnet No. 6

Shall I compare thee to a Shakespeare play? Thou art more funny, less long-winded too. With nothing much about to do, I say, Of all, what measure could encompass you? For as you like of Rome and jewels to sing, Let me, your Antony, my love detail: For Cleopatra will I kingdoms bring Or at […]

Sake Bombed

Our relationship was…untraditional at first. Through mutual friends, we had been introduced at a concert one night and before long, over talks of Faulkner’s total inability to end his sentences in a timely fashion, we wandered back to my place to get intimate. I still have yet to consult the Guinness Book on this, but […]