Even Tobias was an actor. A shitty one. But an actor all the same.

Let’s skip the part where you’re outraged over the fact that I’m making a list: “This guy–what a sellout! I’m outraged.” “Go ‘write’ for BuzzFeed, you hack!” Yeah, I get it. Alright? I get it. But here’s the thing: The thing (like I said): I also don’t care. Listen, we all go through life looking […]


I have a confession to make. It is a shameful one, and I take no pride or solace in relating it: I used to wear a fedora. That is reprehensible, yes, and in combination with the fact that I purchased it not at a vintage clothing store or from some traveling one-eyed transient with stories […]


One year ago today, I lost someone very dear to my heart–a man I never had the privilege of meeting, but with whom I felt a kinship extending far beyond the bounds of social acquaintance. His name was Roger Ebert, and he loved movies. I certainly was not the only one affected by his passing, […]


My good friend Steve Fishman can often be heard to say, “It’s all squares and rectangles, man. It’s all squares and rectangles.” It is a phrase that he coined, and that I’ve borrowed, and it means exactly nothing–but broadly everything. That isn’t to say that it’s meaningless. No, quite the opposite, in fact–rather, it is […]